I’m in my early 20s and in love with a 28-year-old man. He has a good job and he is quite nice to me. I always feel that any girl who is not a vir gin should not marry him. We have been together for a year and he has promised marrying me but he doesn’t know my past deeds. I have this innocent and youthful look and he would never know that so far, I’ve dated 12 guys and I’ve had seven abo rtions. He has planned our marriage for October and I feel guilty not telling him what I had done. I feel that if I tell him, he could change his mind and break up with me. I don’t think I can get another man like him. What do I do? Tell him and lose him? Or keep quiet and get married?
Y.A,
Abuja
Have you stopped seeing other guys? This is important because you have to turn away from such acts. Though I always advise openness and forthrightness in any relationship, I don’t think it’s wise for you to tell him but let me also say that some women have confessed worse tales than yours to their partners and they still went ahead and got married. That’s what makes everyone unique- what is meat for me, could be poison for you. If you feel he will not take it lightly, keep quiet, keep off other men and keep off abortions. Now, he has promised marriage and you are sure of him, don’t ever date any other guy and if possible, avoid s ex that could result in pregnancies.
Help! I’m bigger than him
I’m 26 and I’ve been dating a 22-year-old girl since 2005. Recently, she decided to call off the relationship based on the fact that she was seeing another man in the office she was having her internship. Though she confessed to have loved me, her other excuses were that we quarrel a lot on the phone and being in Osogbo and she in Lagos, she could not cope with the distance. She confessed to have slept with him and she left me with no assurance of returning because she said the man in Lagos was fun to be with! I was shattered and I stopped calling her. But she has not stopped calling me at least once in two days, asking after my welfare and other issues. She spends more than five minutes talking to me but she doesn’t talk about the strained relationship and sometimes, she sends platonic text messages. Really, I don’t know why she calls me and her motives not to talk about our relationship. What do I do? Should I stop her from calling me or allow her to keep calling?
S.S
Osogbo, Osun State.
That kind of girl is wicked, wants to have her cake and eat it. The best way to treaat her is ignore her calls or tell her to stop calling. You know what? She wants the Lagos guy, for whatever reasons known to her but she wants you for keeps. She is trying to play safe and still have a cushion to fall on to when the Lagos guy dumps her because he must have been sleeping with any intern posted to the office. She knows you would accept her back and needs to monitor you by calls and text messages. If you allow her whims to get hold of you and accept her back, you will end up in trouble. Be stern with her and tell her to stop calling you!
I’m afraid of losing her
I am 28 years old and dating a lady I met two years ago while I was a youth corps member. She is a good-natured person and I’ve made up my mind to marry her. We share things in common and whenever she was not around, I’ve never chased other girls. Although there was much pressure on her from men during the service year but she decided to stick to me because she loves me. We don’t see each other often because she lives in Lagos and I am based in Port Harcourt, but we communicate on phone on a daily basis. Currently, she got a job in a bank in Lagos and I’m yet to get any. I’m scared of losing her to another man. Please what do I do?
J.T.S
Port Harcourt, Rivers State.
You know what? You have given your mind to fear and that is enough to lose that girl. I’ve observed that in a relationship, there is the time to fall in love and know each other well. At a stage you may begin to feel insecure and a voice keeps telling you that your partner will leave you. If you believe this, you begin to suspect his/her movements; you eavesdrop on phone conversation and quickly read through his/her phone to confirm your fears. That she got a bank job should not make you think you will lose her to another man. Don’t give in to fear, rather, make efforts and get your job or start something on your own instead of waiting.
My girlfriend is marrying someone else
I met her about 10 months ago and ever since, we have become more intimate with each passing day. Though, she has a fiancé, I love her and would want to have her for keeps which she already knows and she shares the same feeling with me. But, the problem is that her fiancé financially supports her schooling, which is one of the reasons I feel she does not want to quit the relationship. There is much pressure on her right now to get married to him, which she is not prepared for. She is scared of marrying him because, for the few years they have been together, he has never had s ex with her and whenever she talks about it, he insists they do it the scriptural way. Though we have never had s ex together, we are quite intimate. Lately, I asked her if she still loves him and her response was neutral. I am not prepared for marriage now, may be in the next three to four years because I’m still in school. She is below 25. What do I do? I advised her not to go after lust but love. I love her but I don’t want to be selfish.
K.P
Kano.
I understand how you feel but I also think the girl wants to experiment with you, what her fiancé has not been giving her. Allow her marry this other guy because you may never marry her. Maybe you should create a gap and allow her focus more on her fiancé and her wedding plans. Often, some women tend to derail from a relationship when they are not s exually satisfied with their partners. That does not mean she is not in love with him. Let her be and encourage her to stick to her first affair.
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